I went to Weds meeting today. It was just me and proto-sponsor --- 'mentor' a word for the role I saw in a Lifeline magazine. So we talked at some length about identifying binge foods and following a meal plan. We agreed I'll call close to 8 tomorrow to do that. So I'm thinking on the fly, kind of, what I'll eat tomorrow. For today, I ate leftovers pretty much. Breakfast was turkey ragout left over from the weekend. Lunch was Zatarain's jambalaya with some added trinity and the half can of mackerel I reserved from last week. I ate it all, about 2 and a half bowls. Nutrition info said the rice was 6 servings of 130 cal each. I'm not sure about the fish. I don't count the trinity, but should count the oil, about 2 tbsp. So I guess it all adds up to about 1200 cal. No good way of counting breakfast. It was only a bowl full, and mostly veggies. Dinner was a salad made by Donna, and a grilled Kansas City Steak bacon wrapped filet. I steamed some asparagus -- the heads were about to go soft --- should have eaten them a few days ago, and the steak choice was "What would go with the asparagus?" decision. I had cut off the bottom 1/3 and reserved for stock. I used a bit more -- I think in the ragout -- but can't recall exactly -- so about 1/2 pound left. maybe 3/4. Stinky pee!! No sauce -- just eaten right from the steamer. I enjoy. It was on sale. I don't pay $4 a pound for much of anything but will pay $2 for asparagus. I ate around 8, with an ice cream novelty for dessert, so no snack tonight. I prob should just fast till morning. I allow myself a swig of kefir and a swig of Silk. Today, I have some pumpkin eggnog bought at discount. I remember I had planned to eat kraut as evening snack. Live culture kraut. Lacking any at home right now, I have my kefir -- so no fast, but no solids.
Anyhow -- I go shopping all the time. Yesterday I bought a gift for Tom and ended up with him at Bonefish with the happy hour appetizers and a glass of wine. I has earlier gotten some produce at Kroger (and the eggnog) with a cabbage and broccoli and onions and whole wheat hoagie rolls. Also some V-8 fusion juice packs. So, tomorrow, I'm eating for breakfast steamed heads of an older broccoli, maybe in peanut sauce in whole wheat wraps. I made a ham sandwich (deli slices Donna got a Food Lion) on one of the rolls and packed a juice for tomorrow at work. Today's shopping brought me seaweed, both dried and fresh, from an oriental market, and some Indian meals of a different brand. I also got a salmon steak, about a pound of it. I think I'll filet each side for two meals and make stock of the scraps. So about a 5 oz salmon and a first attempt at seaweed salad. I've not consulted a recipe book yet I'm CRAVING the seaweed salad served at the local chinese buffet. I don't recognize this as a binge craving. I just love the stuff and hope can replicate at home. I may dress the filets tonight. I got black rice noodles of the same brand as the sorghum noodles I've been eating. I may as well use a bundle of those. My vague intent has been to use some kind of fish oil in dressing the seaweed, but I've not found any culinary, and may seek medicinal (cod liver?). Which reminds me I forgot about vinegar. I've different kinds at home, including unfiltered cider I'll swig from time to time when I'm frittish in the kitchen. I'll prob dress in sesame oil and balsamic. I need to get some wine vinegars. So that's breakfast, a single snack, and dinner. My thought is a late snack of pumpkin ice cream. I may make a day snack of that and a late snack of....
I'm thinking what crave foods do qualify as binge foods. Ice cream is on the list, but I can handle just a scoop instead of the heaping full bowl. It's a binge food in that I can eat 2000 calories at a sitting and many a time I have. Pastries are that way. Certain candies. But what of cheese? There's some sliced cheese in the fridge I'm thinking as a decent late snack -- maybe with the broccoli stems. Broccoli casserole is an ambitious snack and kind of redundant with breakfast .... so I'm pondering a sandwich with shaved fennel on a grilled cheese. I tend not to dress sandwiches -- zucchini slices are a standby. I could but won't tomorrow. The fennel sounds like a winner. So...
9AM.....broccoli wraps with peanut sauce.
1 PM Sandwich and juice
5 PM ice cream scoop.
6:30 PM Salmon, seaweed and rice noodle salad
9 PM Grilled fennel and cheese.
Spoke to pastor today. I managed to not be creepy. I think positive things are developing. Helped with community outreach and attended book club too. Emotions and impulsiveness pretty much in check. Actually, feedback from church has been pretty positive the past week, and I think unsolicited and unprompted -- spontaneous and timely. It helps my misgivings and strengthens the attachments I feel. Reading AA big book I've realized my recent introspections are not necessarily what the program desires. I keep forgetting my need to look outside myself -- but -- hard to express here -- I need to remain aware of what's inside myself -- find the balance between navel gazing and distraction into oblivion. A half dozen things today pulling me out of navel gazing mode. I'm good with that. Grateful for that, I guess.
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