I waited at the Sunday meeting site, and nobody showed up. All those feelings of people not showing up because I am showing up. I can't shake it. Weds meeting someone volunteered to be something of a sponsor. In this case, it involves a commitment the beginning of each day to some kind of meal plan. This is new for me. And I've not done it. I'm not there yet. I'm not sure how to get there. Just do it, perhaps. What will I eat tomorrow? Eat for myself and cook for Donna? I've got left over collards and Gen Tso from today. The Tso was an interesting project. It came from the pineapple I cut up the other day, sitting in the freezer. I was grabbing some meat -- Donna bought some cheap steaks and ground beef at Sams, but I saw the pineapple and found some chicken breasts -- made a sauce with some rotten peaches and fresh cranberries, molasses, ketchup, soy sauce, vinegar, and diced pineapple and peppers. Ginger and hot sauce too. Fried chicken medallions with batter and bread crumbs (turmeric in the batter -- good salt substitute, it seems to be turning out. Not sure yet how to use the saltiness it gives). Also some steamed broccoli. Now this is something I don't dream up at the start of the day, or the night before. Anyhow -- what would I plan for tomorrow?
Slaw would be cool. I've never figured out a decent dressing for slaw. I use store bought, which is crap --- full of stuff I ought not eat. So I eat hot slaw -- I have a rotten turnip still left, some broccoli stalk, cabbage. I could maybe braise rather than saute, but my preferred way is with sausage. I think I'll use some pepper-flavored olive oil mixed with some sesame oil. That's the ticket. And now I really do need to bring something to work. Turkey on whole wheat bread. Dinner? I could let Donna do burgers for herself, and I would do something with the canned Mackerel I bought. But what kind of something? What can I save half of? Something like a casserole? I'm thinking sweet potato and seeing what Google brings me. Smoked mackerel -- not canned, in all this. But an interesting idea -- kale, mackerel, and cream cheese mixed, and layered in mashed sweet potato. I'm sure the cream cheese will raise OA eyebrows. Raises mine. Maybe guacamole. That's the ticket. Actually -- no. That means no leftovers. Guacamole doesn't allow that. But I can maybe just store the unaltered fish -- use half a can. It's said tuna recipes will often work, but I have few of them. I'll just talk generalities and let pantry and such guide the outcome. I'm such a rotten planner. It's another of those step 6 things -- character defects abound.
After Weds meeting, I stepped on the scale at Gold's Gym. 368 -- most I've ever been. Some heavy clothing and such, but still -- I'm not doing it right. This emotional/spiritual/physical hunger is insatiable. And I'm not catching on to the program. I keep hearing "this healing comes but with prayer and fasting." Fasting is not really an OA thing, but I'm pondering still. My thought would be Sunday meeting to Weds meeting -- about 2-1/2 days. And those are days Donna can fend for herself. Prayer without fasting is something I'm still not hooked into. I think that would do me more good than fasting without prayer. Something has to happen. Eating nothing seems to me a whole lot easier than refusing seconds. It's just not a sustainable practice. But neither is 1200 cal, or even 3000. Deprivation is the feeling one gets from any amount less than bursting.
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